Scrabbled

Have you ever just had a day when you just want to crawl back under the covers? I should have known today might be one of those days because the first thing I did when I woke up was drop my toothbrush in the toilet... nice start, eh? I actually had a pretty incredible week. I made some new friends and we had our first English cafe at our company that was a success that we had put alot of time and energy into, but leave it to Scrabble to unravel me.
I went to dinner with some friends tonight and had a terrible Turkish night. We played Scrabble and my dictionary and I did not do too well. I kept staring at the board trying to piece together my tiles into Turkish words and thought, this is exactly how I feel about my life here sometimes. Like I have all these words floating around in my head and I'm trying to piece them into coherent thoughts to actually communicate with people and it just doesn't always happen. I didn't understand a stinking thing tonight. It's actually like I went backwards in strides in the course of one game of Scrabble. My mind just let go and I stopped understanding the words coming out of my friends' mouths... And I kept thinking, yesterday, I would have been able to understand this. It's like the messages were not getting through to my brain. I think it has something to do with neurons and receptors and such, but oh well. I have learned that you just can't wear your feelings on your sleeves here, but I think I must have been tonight...because i told one of the girls that i would speak better Turkish next time I saw her and she said that she hoped so. I hope something got lost in translation there.
Things had actually been going pretty well lately...I'd even been on the receiving end of quite a few compliments regarding my Turkish, even from a few Turks! Don't worry, I'm way over that. This blog should be enough to let you know that I'm back to realizing exactly where I am! Humbleness: check. Then, to top things off, I didn't read the sign when I got on the bus and I actually got on the wrong bus. I almost rode it to wherever it was going just to spite myself because I was so embarrassed to have to get off five minutes after I'd gotten on, with a bewildered look on my face that said, 'Yes, I am a foreigner and I did get on the wrong bus even though I have almost lived here a year'. I didn't have to say anything because the man who takes the money shouted it to the driver and all other listening passengers anyways when I asked him to let me off 4 stops after I got on and 1 stop after we turned the opposite way that I needed to go. I was actually listening to the words to a U2 song when it happened...'sometimes you can't make it on your own'...and I have, thanks to some fans over here in Turkey, developed a love for Bono, but still thought, who is he kidding? When can I ever make it on my own? No sometimes about it. I'm glad that on nights like tonight, I really can crawl under the covers and remember that the last blog that I posted wasn't just in my imagination and regardless of how I feel tonight, my God is in control, He is good, He lives, He is perfecting this amazing thing going on inside of me, I'm blessed because of all of the above, and tomorrow is a new day with new mercy. And those truths will never get lost in translation from the Voice--be it like thunder or a still small whisper-- that speaks to my heart and makes itself heard above all others.