Somewhere east of here

We packed our bags and headed east on a bus this past week to visit our sweet house mate from last summer and some sweet friends that we've met during our time over here. Our bus experience was...well, it was warm to say the least! At one point, the bus display read 46 degrees Celsius outside. Indulge me here. That is like 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Too hot. Much much too hot. And of course, my fine friends here tend to wear winter coats at the first hint of weather under 85 degrees, so they were more than comfortable to leave the air... almost off. Okay, riding a bus in the summer with barely enough air conditioning to breathe is for the birds! But, the visit with our friends was so much more than worth it! The further east we headed, not only did the landscape change from lush green plants and tall tall palm trees to dry brown rocky flatlands like the picture above, but the more conservative the culture around us became until we got to our final destination. In a way, the picture of the land is much more than just a picture of what the climate is concerning weather. Really, the east has such a different feel to it in this country. I can't totally explain it, but there was definitely a different feel to where we headed.

I was reading through psalm 31, and ran across this verse during my visit: "Blessed be the LORD, for He has made marvelous His loving kindness to me in a besieged city." I read that and thought, in a different way, this city is besieged and find myself praying that He will one day make His marvelous loving kindness known to more than just my friends who know Him in this city.

We spent the days sight-seeing, drinking tea with our friends, and catching up. I was reminded of the special-ness of two kinds of friends this trip, my foreigner friends and my national friends. It was so good to be around our friend, who lives and loves where we do and knows what we feel and how we feel it here. She is about my age, single, and has been living here just about as long as I have. It was so refreshing to be around this sister and the people around her. It's been a long summer. A wonderfully long summer, but it's been tiring, too. So, having some sweet time with our friend was just the encouragement I needed. Seriously, our Father has been so good to me during my time over here. He blesses me in different ways, just when He knows I need it. And I needed the Body, in this way last weekend.

And... I was reminded how precious these people are to me here that I live among, the Turks. Our precious, crazy, sweet roommate from last summer--I have no idea why--seems to love me something fierce. I have no idea what I have done to earn her devotion because it's been about a year since I've painted her toe-nails or made her a quesadilla, but her love is steadfast and was still very much in tact when we visited her. She of course, made a spread and we stuffed ourselves with our beloved Turkish food at her house. To see and be with her was like a year hadn't passed since we'd been together. It reminded me how blessed I've been by such sweet friends here like her and like the girls I love in my own city, but it also reminded me what an incredible privilege I have in these people's lives to love them and be loved by them. Someone once told me before this experience that the people's lives that I would touch would never forget me and not to forget them, either. Seems silly. Of course I won't forget them. But, last weekend, truly made me realize that I want them to know that I won't forget them. I want to let them know a year from now, much like my friend made me feel, that no matter how much time passes in between tea or toenails, they are loved and very much remembered by me. I'm still working on what that looks like in heart and action once my feet hit the pavement in Jackson. I know, time will pass and I'll start new things and be around old friends, new ministry and make a life again there. But I've walked through some serious life with these people! Especially, my girls. I've walked from the beginning of a journey of faith with some of them, and that's not something they take lightly and I don't want it to be something I take lightly either. This summer has over and over again reminded me that I'm so inadequate to do what I do over here! To love these people, but He has reminded me that His power is made perfect in my weakness and I'm just about at my best when I'm on my knees, and that's exactly where He wants me to be, to do what He wants me to do here. How do you like that for humbling, but so true! And being on my knees and letting these precious girls know that they have someone loving them and lifting them up is one privilege that I can bear from near or far and want to seek to both now more faithfully in the near and still faithfully in the far when they become my precious friends 'somewhere east of here'.

The Euphrates River

The Tigris River and the Mesopotamia Valley in the background.

Here is my proof that 'one man's trash, is another man's treasure'.

We found all of this in part of the ruins of this old church building below.

Don't worry, we made sure to tip our little tour guide. He had memorized the history of the church and after politely asking, we decided that was worth his efforts, plus he was a cute little guy!

Something dishy

Today, we celebrated a friend's birthday together after church. I love my sweet friends. I'm incredibly sentimental (end of story, in life, in general, about everything, but especially now). I just think to myself, I love these people. It's so incredible to see my sweet friends grow. I had a conversation with one of my closest friends last week about some things on my heart that I felt the Lord desired me to chat with her a bit. I had encouragement from others, but I was the closest one to actually give voice to the thought. There was potential for a bit of awkwardness because it was a bit of an accountability chat. It had gone as smooth as one can hope those things go. I shy-ed away at first, but then realized that I can't be silent about things He desires to be included in refining process of 'making of disciples'. I'm here and that was hard and it was obedient. But being a part of the discipling process requires being obedient and I'm learning that it's not always easier either. But boy does He bless obedience. He does. Even if it doesn't look like what you thought the blessing would be. So the discipleship process. There is lots of room to be used of Him in that area when you're a part of someone's faith journey from the beginning, really if you're willing to be a part of someone's journey on any part. So many of you reading are a part of mine. So, I was really nervous this week post-conversation. Praying that my friend received it and that the Lord used the words He wanted and that nothing I said was of me. I didn't see her this week and she didn't return a text and missed our girls dinner night without explanation. The people here tend to be very prideful (I know aren't we all, but in general as a people group they are very proud), easily offended, and hold grudges. All of which lead to many individual hurtles that must be worked through by the Holy Spirit once He takes residence specifically in believers' lives we see here, sometimes more so than in other areas because of attitudes engrained from growing up in a culture. So, I worried a lot this week and then this morning when church started didn't see my friend. Had I been mistaken and overstepped my boundaries? Did I mishear the Lord and my support system here of people praying for me and my friend? Had I offended her and pushed her away by what I thought had been a very small effort on my part compared to what I could have said? (I tend to over-react). Much to my relief, I turned around during a song and met her smiling face. It was just such a sweet relief to see her sweet face ready to meet mine with a smile. We had a great day together and I was reminded that although, I know there's still obvious room to grow in the area we talked about, the Holy Spirit is still working and our friendship is still very much intact. And I can totally relate to that because I look at my life and think, there is still obvious room to grow in so many areas, but He's not done with me yet,... or my friend. All back to why today, I just had that overwhelming sense again of awe over Him saving my friends here in this dark place and working in their lives right in front of me (even using me at times when I'm always unworthy of it). I love these sweet people. I love that I'm a part of their journey and that they very much in turn are a part of mine.

So, today like I said, we went out for a friend's birthday and we ate at a local restaurant. One of my friends ate what happens to be her favorite dish at the restaurant. Mumbar. f.y.i.: Mumbar=stuffed sheep intestines. The stuffing is de-lish, but you have to get over the fact of what it's wrapped up in and that there's just an interesting texture, I'll leave it at that. I have never been offered before, but today I was offered and I decided that it was high time I tried something new. I know, it's been awhile, eh? I know people in Africa and people who live lives similar to Indiana Jones probably eat things way weirder than that like monkey brains, but this was a stretch for me. It looks like intestines sitting on the table. I'm a nurse, but I don't like to look at it sitting on my dinner table. It was actually very tasty, except for the moment before I swallowed when I had to work to control my gag reflex. I managed to swallow with a smile and impressed all at the table, including myself.

Something safe

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And He replied: 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.'"-M.L.Haskins

I am finding myself thinking tonight about the 3 1/2 months and one long plane ride that lay before me. I always tend to think about home when I'm missing things. Our vonage phone has been broken for the past few weeks and that never tends to put me in a very good disposition. My family calls, but it's usually full of static and chats with friends are much fewer and far between when the vonage is broken. It's a small thing, a fixable thing at that--a reminder to be thankful for the ways that I can communicate with those I love on the other side of that body of water--but I'm a social person and I still have very strong attachments to those I love there, so not being able to talk to them, well, it isn't my favorite. Sometimes in my limited perspective, I tend to think that when i'm missing nouns (people, places, and things), that I must be missing out on things. I have come to realize in the past year and a half plus some odd months at this point, that I haven't missed out on a thing. I take that back, I am still realizing the full reality of the fact that I have not missed out on anything. When I'm walking with Him, I don't miss out on things. This is not how it works.
'Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneith...Has thou not seen, how thy desires have been granted in what He ordaineth'...
Have I not seen? Two years later of walking with Him intimately in this place and have i not seen?...how can I forget that I have seen. My desires have been and are being granted in what He ordaineth because my desire is to very much resemble someone like David who was a man after God's own heart, who reminded me of the promise that when I'm walking uprightly with Him...I don't miss out on things when he wrote Psalm 84. I realized today that at the end of one journey, I am very much still deep on a journey that will span much further than the plane ride from here to there, learning to realize the promise, the truth and the challenge that lie in Psalm 84:11, "...The Lord gives grace and glory. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (NASB,KJV)/whose walk is blameless (NIV)/who do what is right (NLT).
David reminded me that a walk that is upright is to walk in an attitude of: 'For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.' What a reminder of so many things. The things around me will pass away. They're tents, temporary. But my God has a house. He was, and is, and is to come. When I'm walking with Him uprightly, when I'm longing to be in His presence more than to dwell in the outside around me, He doesn't withhold good from me, He never has, and He will not. I have what He wants me to have right now. I can trust Him in that, regardless of what it looks like...whether it's in Turkey or America, whether it resembles what I thought I wanted or not, whether it is the same as what others have around me or not.
How precious this promise is to me as I think about all the things I love, yet all the things I could worry about in going home, if I let my mind overtake me...new relationships with old friends and family, a job, a car, money, singleness, ministry, culture shock, being understood, and so many of the things I strive to surrender daily. In surrender, i am desiring to step out into the darkness of the unknown future that is nearing and put my hand into His hand...for that shall be better to me than a light and safer than a known way. There and only there, is my yielded hand and heart safe.

Something for the cowgirl in me...

or something to destroy the cowgirl in me... time will tell.
so there i am riding off into the sunset on my Turkish horse (within the limits of the riding rink, of course). Okay, now I have done alot of things since I have been in Turkey, but it's always interesting. You may not be able to totally comprehend it, but ordinary life is just way more interesting in a second culture, I highly recommend it. I have not ridden a horse since childhood. I never disliked it, but Camp Sycamore as a Girl Scout was quite a few years ago. Now a horse is a horse, of course, of course...(anyone remember where that's from? Penny for your thoughts.) But, its still bigger than me and higher off the ground than I am, (which isn't saying much, granted).
So, one of my friends called me and told me she wanted to take me to look at the horses. She has joined the riding club at the university. She picks me up and immediately as I get into the car in my skirt, I realize that I am improperly dressed. We are not actually going to look at the horses, of course we're going to ride them. Why had this thought not crossed my mind. My covered friend has joined the riding club and she wants to take me to ride horses. It's just all a bit interesting to picture in my mind, but nonetheless, that is what it is and I go and change my clothes to something more appropriate. You see, I do all the things that I did in my former life, they just all seem to have a new twist to them over here. Variety is the spice of life, my 9th grade history teacher used to tell me.
This is one thing that I have to admit, he was right about. It sure has been.
There are absolutely no flattering pictures of me riding the 'Typhoon'. It was awkward. I mount the horse and am instantly reminded that my instructions are all in Turkish. The man telling me how to get on the horse, how to sit, how to hold the reigns, and how to make him go and stop properly--all very necessary things to learn, mind you--are coming to me in Turkish. I am not a totally easily scared person, but I'm sufficient to say a bit nervous at this point. Several loops around the fence and many many 'I don't understand you's later, I am ready to call it a day and gaze at the lovely horses from afar. He proceeds to make the ride a bit longer than I thought it was going to be and then I have to show him, yes I do know how to politely tell you to 'get me off the horse now', in Turkish. I did manage to last my '8 seconds' of fame though. I managed to ride longer than one of the girls I went with, who actually happened to be in the riding club. Nicely done, eh? Sufficed to say, next time I get on a horse, it will be one that speaks English.

Something uncooked

Okay, So i have this friend. My sweet perfume D.V.D. friend. I invited said friend over to cook today. (I know, you are thinking, how in the world do you get the courage to invite a friend over to cook in your non-air conditioned kitchen in 100 degree heat in June?) But, I did. So, we planned it all out. I was going to have her over and teach her how to make this one Turkish food that I know how to make and she doesn't. She is always laughing because she says that I'm like a Turk because me and my roommate are forever getting our language helper to teach us to cook Turkish things. We were both really excited. She's really sweet and we've been planning to cook together, but putting it off for months now. She asked off work for the afternoon. I went to the store this morning and got all the ingredients we needed. I had a recipe on hand from my other Turkish friend, who actually taught me to make the aforementioned food. I've made it before. It's my favorite. Delicious. I'm sure I'll make it for some of you when I get home. My mouth is watering thinking about it.
Where is this all leading, you ask? Well, my friend came over today and I whipped out my recipe card--which I painstakingly collected the last time I had made the food, because usually they don't measure when they cook. The recipe card, I will give you that it was a bit odd for my friend. I lost her vote of confident right then and there. (Mistake #1 on my part--but I didn't have time to memorize it!) They don't use recipes. They use generalizations. A water glass of this, several spoons of this spice, some oil, etc. I happened to need the card. I wanted it to be exactly like my friend and I made it.) So, I got this one ingredient (we'll call it Ingredient A--I'm not sure what it is in English) out of the fridge and get our bowls and pots ready. My friend looks at me and conversation goes something like the followings:

her: Are we going to use Ingredient A?
me: Yes, my friends' recipe calls for it.
her: No, there is no Ingredient A in the food we're making...
me: Okay, but I've made it before and eaten it several times made by my friend who gave me the recipe with Ingredient A in it. It's delicious and tastes like ever other time I've had the dish. I think we should just try the recipe with Ingredient A. I have bought everything for it.
her: No, she firmly says, let's not make it. We can't make it. My mother can make it better than us. Should I call her and get her to verify your recipe for us? We should have invited her over to make it for us.
me: Well, come on, let 's just try it. I think it'll be great with the recipe I have, surely there is more than one way to make the dish--(especially the way they throw ingredients in without measuring, I'm thinking.)
her: No, we don't know how to make it. We can't make it. Let's make something else. My mother will make that other food for us some other time.
me: I don't have all the ingredients for this new food (that we hadn't planned on making)
her: Doesn't matter, what do you have? What you don't have enough of, go ask the neighbors for some...

So, one trip to the neighbors later, I realized my afternoon activity and dinner party were not going to go quite like I had planned. I didn't totally love what she cooked for us (she would not let me help, even though she confessed that she never cooks at home and wasn't sure it would be good!!!). Maybe I was just looking forward to what I thought was going to be on the menu. I was a bit offended at first, but then I just laughed and thought, welcome to my life here. Obviously, I can't be the expert on Turkish food and my recipe cannot be trusted for I am not a Turk. Welcome to flexibility and humility.
But, p.s. if you're ever invited over to dinner to my house...for future reference, eat what I cook for you and pretend to like it. (smile). I'm okay with this being the cultural norm where I'm from.

Something overdue

Back in time. I never posted this...but it is so worthy of being posted. Especially for the MS family who has since left me. I always chickened out on adventure that included heights and claustraphobic spaces with you guys, but not this time!!! I did it! Read on. So, after we left Konya (several posts back...remember the oldest salt shaker in the world?), we headed back to Kapadokya to let the visitors see one last sight before they left us and headed to Ephesus. I told you, so much cool stuff in Turkey. Kapadokya is such a neat place. (Cappadocia is the English spelling--1 Peter 1:1). It is the neatest place. There are all these land formations of rock that people at one point in history had built their houses into. We toured a bit, shopped a bit. The tourist areas are full of shopping, and of course since I have a problem...I had to stop in and do a bit of shopping. All gifts,... of course. We had the food that they're known for. Chicken in a pot basically. But, they bake the chicken in the clay pot and then you get to break it open to get your food out! I don't think everybody gets to open it or maybe even wants to, but of course we did! It's all part of the experience! I opened one, even though I wasn't eating it! I hope my pot's owner didn't get to much grit in their chicken! I might have whacked the pot a little bit too hard!

So, while we were in Kapadokya, we did some exploring. You know, last time I went on the near death (maybe small exaggeration...maybe not!) four-wheeler experience. This time, I faced my fear of heights and claustrophobia! So, the picture below may not look as grandiose to you as it does to me, but give me a little credit here! If you look very very closely, there is a window near the top... I'm in the window. I climbed and crawled through the rock to reach the window! Aren't you so proud! Doesn't matter. It was big to me!

Something fatherly

Tomorrow is Father's Day and I have the absolute best dad in the world. I am a total daddy's girl and he's totally wrapped around my little finger and he knows it and I know it, and we just like it that way! And lest you think that I am only a total clone of my mother, so much of who I am is from him, too. I am not one of those people who could say that their father wasn't a good example of how we are to think of our Heavenly Father. I've never met a man who has been a more godly example to me more than my dad. That's not every one's story, but it's mine and it's blessed. So, tomorrow I'll tell him 'Happy Father's Day' and how much I love him just like every other day. But, this year is a sad Father's Day for all of us. I've experienced another new milestone of being overseas for some amount of time. I have had a loved one to die. My papaw died Friday, and I wasn't there. His mind hadn't belonged to his body in some time and his body had been slowing down and slowly starting not to work for awhile. But, he was my papaw and as far as he was concerned, I hung the moon. I think he may have been as smitten with me as my dad is. They're totally biased (don't you know!). And, he was like no other in my book, too. But, I wasn't there to kiss his cheek like I loved to do and tell him that I loved him and that, ...that is hard. I'm at such a good place with being overseas right now. I love where God has me at this moment, but I am ready to be home. I want to be home this weekend. It's just his body in a box. It's not the papaw that I used to take long walks with, look at lots of Pearl Harbor pictures (that I wasn't always as interested in as I should have been) with, or wake up early and drink coffee milk with just for the company, when I could have slept in. He's not here anymore. Going home wouldn't bring that back. But, it's the goodbye. It's the knowing, I wasn't there and I'm not there. And that is a whole other set of emotions that I am learning how to deal with today. It's the having the greatest dad in the world and knowing that this Father's Day, he's missing his dad...and I'm not there.
But, then there is the weight lifted, the sweet peace, the comfort in knowing that always God is Sovereign and He is good. And, this Father's Day, He was kind to my old dying papaw. He hadn't been himself in sometime and my mamaw couldn't take care of him anymore and neither really could my parents. His poor body was hurting, but in that sad and somehow kind moment, he was no longer hurting and he was at that instant and until forever more in such a better place. And that, in spite of the sadness this Father's Day is the gift that we will be taking with us from our Heavenly Father who is preparing a place for us and knew it was papaw's time to be with Him there.

"Amazing Grace"
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!
Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;’
Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.
--John New­ton