Somewhere east of here

We packed our bags and headed east on a bus this past week to visit our sweet house mate from last summer and some sweet friends that we've met during our time over here. Our bus experience was...well, it was warm to say the least! At one point, the bus display read 46 degrees Celsius outside. Indulge me here. That is like 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Too hot. Much much too hot. And of course, my fine friends here tend to wear winter coats at the first hint of weather under 85 degrees, so they were more than comfortable to leave the air... almost off. Okay, riding a bus in the summer with barely enough air conditioning to breathe is for the birds! But, the visit with our friends was so much more than worth it! The further east we headed, not only did the landscape change from lush green plants and tall tall palm trees to dry brown rocky flatlands like the picture above, but the more conservative the culture around us became until we got to our final destination. In a way, the picture of the land is much more than just a picture of what the climate is concerning weather. Really, the east has such a different feel to it in this country. I can't totally explain it, but there was definitely a different feel to where we headed.

I was reading through psalm 31, and ran across this verse during my visit: "Blessed be the LORD, for He has made marvelous His loving kindness to me in a besieged city." I read that and thought, in a different way, this city is besieged and find myself praying that He will one day make His marvelous loving kindness known to more than just my friends who know Him in this city.

We spent the days sight-seeing, drinking tea with our friends, and catching up. I was reminded of the special-ness of two kinds of friends this trip, my foreigner friends and my national friends. It was so good to be around our friend, who lives and loves where we do and knows what we feel and how we feel it here. She is about my age, single, and has been living here just about as long as I have. It was so refreshing to be around this sister and the people around her. It's been a long summer. A wonderfully long summer, but it's been tiring, too. So, having some sweet time with our friend was just the encouragement I needed. Seriously, our Father has been so good to me during my time over here. He blesses me in different ways, just when He knows I need it. And I needed the Body, in this way last weekend.

And... I was reminded how precious these people are to me here that I live among, the Turks. Our precious, crazy, sweet roommate from last summer--I have no idea why--seems to love me something fierce. I have no idea what I have done to earn her devotion because it's been about a year since I've painted her toe-nails or made her a quesadilla, but her love is steadfast and was still very much in tact when we visited her. She of course, made a spread and we stuffed ourselves with our beloved Turkish food at her house. To see and be with her was like a year hadn't passed since we'd been together. It reminded me how blessed I've been by such sweet friends here like her and like the girls I love in my own city, but it also reminded me what an incredible privilege I have in these people's lives to love them and be loved by them. Someone once told me before this experience that the people's lives that I would touch would never forget me and not to forget them, either. Seems silly. Of course I won't forget them. But, last weekend, truly made me realize that I want them to know that I won't forget them. I want to let them know a year from now, much like my friend made me feel, that no matter how much time passes in between tea or toenails, they are loved and very much remembered by me. I'm still working on what that looks like in heart and action once my feet hit the pavement in Jackson. I know, time will pass and I'll start new things and be around old friends, new ministry and make a life again there. But I've walked through some serious life with these people! Especially, my girls. I've walked from the beginning of a journey of faith with some of them, and that's not something they take lightly and I don't want it to be something I take lightly either. This summer has over and over again reminded me that I'm so inadequate to do what I do over here! To love these people, but He has reminded me that His power is made perfect in my weakness and I'm just about at my best when I'm on my knees, and that's exactly where He wants me to be, to do what He wants me to do here. How do you like that for humbling, but so true! And being on my knees and letting these precious girls know that they have someone loving them and lifting them up is one privilege that I can bear from near or far and want to seek to both now more faithfully in the near and still faithfully in the far when they become my precious friends 'somewhere east of here'.

The Euphrates River

The Tigris River and the Mesopotamia Valley in the background.

Here is my proof that 'one man's trash, is another man's treasure'.

We found all of this in part of the ruins of this old church building below.

Don't worry, we made sure to tip our little tour guide. He had memorized the history of the church and after politely asking, we decided that was worth his efforts, plus he was a cute little guy!

Something dishy

Today, we celebrated a friend's birthday together after church. I love my sweet friends. I'm incredibly sentimental (end of story, in life, in general, about everything, but especially now). I just think to myself, I love these people. It's so incredible to see my sweet friends grow. I had a conversation with one of my closest friends last week about some things on my heart that I felt the Lord desired me to chat with her a bit. I had encouragement from others, but I was the closest one to actually give voice to the thought. There was potential for a bit of awkwardness because it was a bit of an accountability chat. It had gone as smooth as one can hope those things go. I shy-ed away at first, but then realized that I can't be silent about things He desires to be included in refining process of 'making of disciples'. I'm here and that was hard and it was obedient. But being a part of the discipling process requires being obedient and I'm learning that it's not always easier either. But boy does He bless obedience. He does. Even if it doesn't look like what you thought the blessing would be. So the discipleship process. There is lots of room to be used of Him in that area when you're a part of someone's faith journey from the beginning, really if you're willing to be a part of someone's journey on any part. So many of you reading are a part of mine. So, I was really nervous this week post-conversation. Praying that my friend received it and that the Lord used the words He wanted and that nothing I said was of me. I didn't see her this week and she didn't return a text and missed our girls dinner night without explanation. The people here tend to be very prideful (I know aren't we all, but in general as a people group they are very proud), easily offended, and hold grudges. All of which lead to many individual hurtles that must be worked through by the Holy Spirit once He takes residence specifically in believers' lives we see here, sometimes more so than in other areas because of attitudes engrained from growing up in a culture. So, I worried a lot this week and then this morning when church started didn't see my friend. Had I been mistaken and overstepped my boundaries? Did I mishear the Lord and my support system here of people praying for me and my friend? Had I offended her and pushed her away by what I thought had been a very small effort on my part compared to what I could have said? (I tend to over-react). Much to my relief, I turned around during a song and met her smiling face. It was just such a sweet relief to see her sweet face ready to meet mine with a smile. We had a great day together and I was reminded that although, I know there's still obvious room to grow in the area we talked about, the Holy Spirit is still working and our friendship is still very much intact. And I can totally relate to that because I look at my life and think, there is still obvious room to grow in so many areas, but He's not done with me yet,... or my friend. All back to why today, I just had that overwhelming sense again of awe over Him saving my friends here in this dark place and working in their lives right in front of me (even using me at times when I'm always unworthy of it). I love these sweet people. I love that I'm a part of their journey and that they very much in turn are a part of mine.

So, today like I said, we went out for a friend's birthday and we ate at a local restaurant. One of my friends ate what happens to be her favorite dish at the restaurant. Mumbar. f.y.i.: Mumbar=stuffed sheep intestines. The stuffing is de-lish, but you have to get over the fact of what it's wrapped up in and that there's just an interesting texture, I'll leave it at that. I have never been offered before, but today I was offered and I decided that it was high time I tried something new. I know, it's been awhile, eh? I know people in Africa and people who live lives similar to Indiana Jones probably eat things way weirder than that like monkey brains, but this was a stretch for me. It looks like intestines sitting on the table. I'm a nurse, but I don't like to look at it sitting on my dinner table. It was actually very tasty, except for the moment before I swallowed when I had to work to control my gag reflex. I managed to swallow with a smile and impressed all at the table, including myself.

Something safe

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: 'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And He replied: 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.'"-M.L.Haskins

I am finding myself thinking tonight about the 3 1/2 months and one long plane ride that lay before me. I always tend to think about home when I'm missing things. Our vonage phone has been broken for the past few weeks and that never tends to put me in a very good disposition. My family calls, but it's usually full of static and chats with friends are much fewer and far between when the vonage is broken. It's a small thing, a fixable thing at that--a reminder to be thankful for the ways that I can communicate with those I love on the other side of that body of water--but I'm a social person and I still have very strong attachments to those I love there, so not being able to talk to them, well, it isn't my favorite. Sometimes in my limited perspective, I tend to think that when i'm missing nouns (people, places, and things), that I must be missing out on things. I have come to realize in the past year and a half plus some odd months at this point, that I haven't missed out on a thing. I take that back, I am still realizing the full reality of the fact that I have not missed out on anything. When I'm walking with Him, I don't miss out on things. This is not how it works.
'Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneith...Has thou not seen, how thy desires have been granted in what He ordaineth'...
Have I not seen? Two years later of walking with Him intimately in this place and have i not seen?...how can I forget that I have seen. My desires have been and are being granted in what He ordaineth because my desire is to very much resemble someone like David who was a man after God's own heart, who reminded me of the promise that when I'm walking uprightly with Him...I don't miss out on things when he wrote Psalm 84. I realized today that at the end of one journey, I am very much still deep on a journey that will span much further than the plane ride from here to there, learning to realize the promise, the truth and the challenge that lie in Psalm 84:11, "...The Lord gives grace and glory. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (NASB,KJV)/whose walk is blameless (NIV)/who do what is right (NLT).
David reminded me that a walk that is upright is to walk in an attitude of: 'For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand outside. I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.' What a reminder of so many things. The things around me will pass away. They're tents, temporary. But my God has a house. He was, and is, and is to come. When I'm walking with Him uprightly, when I'm longing to be in His presence more than to dwell in the outside around me, He doesn't withhold good from me, He never has, and He will not. I have what He wants me to have right now. I can trust Him in that, regardless of what it looks like...whether it's in Turkey or America, whether it resembles what I thought I wanted or not, whether it is the same as what others have around me or not.
How precious this promise is to me as I think about all the things I love, yet all the things I could worry about in going home, if I let my mind overtake me...new relationships with old friends and family, a job, a car, money, singleness, ministry, culture shock, being understood, and so many of the things I strive to surrender daily. In surrender, i am desiring to step out into the darkness of the unknown future that is nearing and put my hand into His hand...for that shall be better to me than a light and safer than a known way. There and only there, is my yielded hand and heart safe.